Thursday, June 28, 2007

For fuck's sake, Gabriel Chase (2)

Once again, our beloved Gabriel Chase - the discerning fan who makes sure absolutely no one can contact him to tell him what a fuckwit he is - has updated a tiny portion of his website. Indeed, the ONLY portion of his website that CAN be updated. Yes, it's Parallel Universes, home of Peter Cushing, Slipback, Paul McGann and the latest adventures of Doctor Who.

Let's see how dangerously close our discerning dickhead can sail to what we refer to in this solar system as 'reality'...

DOCTOR WHO - SERIES 3 (13 episodes)
31 March 2007 to 30 June 2007;
written by Russell T.Davies, Gareth Roberts, Helen Raynor, Stephen Greenhorn, Chris Chibnall, Paul Cornell, Stephen Moffatt; BBC Wales/Canadian Broadcasting Corporation
So far, so accurate...

A third series, the third different regular cast line-up in as many years
Is this a bad thing? It has changed no more than from Season 23 to Season 25...

and a new production partner for the Beeb's Cardiff studio, but very much the same from Davies and his cohorts of enthusiastic if misguided revivalists.
This is odd. Is Doctor Who still undergoing revival? No, I think it's well and truly revived...

New companion Martha Jones, played by Freema Agyeman, was introduced in a way almost identical to Rose Tyler and, surprise surprise, several members of her immediate family featured and continued to pop up throughout the series.
Yep. They played minor roles in THREE stories set in Martha's home time period. It's disgusting, isn't it?

And they're black, too, so it's just salt in an open wound...

The stories featured the same blend of expensive-looking special effects and spectacular action sequences as before with only the occasional venture beyond Earth or New Earth.
That makes two more trips than the other series. You think he'd be hyping that bit...

The Daleks returned yet again
How DARE they! My god, the series never used them THAT much in the good old days... well, since colour started... well, since it went off the air...

in a story guaranteed to annoy the traditionalists

, featuring a Dalek with a personality striving to become a human
So, a bit like Evil of the Daleks? And Rememberance of the Daleks? Dear God, it's traditional as you can get!

, which is a bit like a human attempting to become Ramapithecus.
Yet we have seen plenty of humans being turned into Daleks in the "proper" series. Does reversing this make it not canon?

Also returning were Captain Jack Harkness
This is interesting. Here, GC gets the name right (and good on him), but directly above this entry is a reference to "Captain John Bannerman" which is unchanged. We're dealing with a discerning and careful writer here, folks.

, the Face of Boe and, following an eleven year absence
Minus three Big Finish audios, four books and a notable webcast...

, the Master, now played by John Simm fresh from the triumph of Life on Mars.
Another odd thing. GC has uploaded this before anyone has seen the final episode - note the lack of scathing remarks (or even complimentary remarks) about these three characters. He's not even bothering to WATCH the show, he's just notched this up to show how up to date he is...

There was also the usual clutch of familiar faces from soaps and sitcoms all eager to be seen in one of trendy TV's showcases
Not a bit like the old show, eh? And its a fucking liberty, isn't it? Actors wanting to appear on popular shows! HOW VERY DARE THEY?!? They should stick to the backward soaps, sitcom and docudramas they came from! HOW VERY DARE THEY!!!

, as well as sometime writer Mark Gatiss
What affection there.

and respected "Ac-Tor" Derek Jacobi.
GC has just taken the piss out of SIR Derek Jacobi. Now, not even Ron Mallet on absinthe would do that. In fact, the Anorak, Sparacus, pretty much every vacuous detestible anti-Whovian treats Sir Derek with respect. But GC is "discerning". That makes it all right then.

Probably most disturbing was Paul Cornell's two-part story Human Nature/Family of Blood, a direct adaptation of his 1995 Virgin New Adventure novel Human Nature, proving if ever proof was needed that the Welsh series is not a follow-on from the original TV series but an off-shoot of the Virgin/BBC novels.
Oh, for fuck's sake! GC has not THOUGHT about that at all.

If the series is an off-shoot of the novels, why did they remake the story in such a way it renders the book uncanonical? What about Dalek and Rise of the Cybermen - statistically, the new series is more an off-shoot of the audios? And Blink makes the show an off-shoot of the ANNUALS for fuck's sake.

Yet, the quality of the adaption somehow doesn't come into it. It doesn't matter if it's a good story, or well acted or even enjoyable. It has SOMETHING to do with BOOKS (spit on the floor in disgust), suggesting that ten years of printed Doctor Who fiction might matter (retch)! God, it makes you pine for the days the TV series had nothing to do with... books (bring up stomach lining), like good old Logopolis that named the chameleon circuit after a Terrance Dicks novelization, or Revelation of the Daleks, inspired by David Whittaker's magnum opus... (Exorcist-like vomiting) IT'S DISGUSTING!

The fact the adaption works better if you haven't read the book (so it's appealing to all the new viewers) is ignored. And the fact the book is available, free, to just about anyone with internet acces. DISGUSTING!

More an illegitimate second-cousin than a legitimate child.
The fact that the books were authorized by the BBC and John Nathan-Turner makes it legitamite, duck-features! And all the pictures of Paul McGann, Sylvester McCoy and Colin Baker obviously passed him by.

In fact, the only way this article could become more stubborn, moronic and stupid is if it were claiming Lee Williams was the next Doctor.

Just how many seasons will the new series have to go for before GC gets the hint? I long for the day his "parallel universe" section is bigger than all the other parts of his fascistic website put together! And I'd tell him to his face, but the discerning webmaster refuses to allow any contact between him and the vacuous 21st Century viewers who might read his discerning website.

No fist, Gabriel Chase. And if there was one it'd be rammed up your arse...