Vworp! Vworp!

Ever wonder how paid, yes, PAID authors describe the indescribable sound of a door key being scraped down a piano wire? A noise I have occasionally been called on to make (with my mouth I hasten to add)? Well, now I have the complete novelization collection you can find out!

An Unearthly Child: "a strange wheezing groaning sound", "a strange wailing cry"
The Daleks: "an engine whine like a dozen of those wartime sirens all running down and not quite together"
The Keys of Marinus: "a whining noise", "a mysterious groaning noise"
The Sensorites: "a familiar grinding noise"
The Reign of Terror: "a harsh grinding wail, as if some vast primitive being were in torment, growling and rumbling tormented roars"
The Rescue: "groaning and rumbling with its customary noise of protest and indignation"
The Web Planet: "powerful whirring"
The Space Museum: "the sound" (bit cheap there...)
The Chase: "customary groaning and wheezing", "usual howling, grinding, and complaining", "a crashing noise of timbers, metals and glass, rhythmically sounding"
The Time Meddler: "a strange, harsh, unnatural sound" "a trumpetting shriek"
The Myth Makers: "a noise reminiscent of a camel in the last stages of dementia praecox"
The Daleks' Master Plan: "a roaring sound, rising and falling, somehow mechanical", "deep, roaring noise", "a terrible groaning sound", "a very familiar noise – unbalanced dematerialization circuits", "horrible grinding sound"
The Ark: "whirring, mechanical noise", "whining and revving up", "the grinding and winding and whirl of machinery", "whined, whirred and clanked..."
The War Machines: "A whirling noise... Something was spinning... Something was..."
Power of the Daleks: "an ear-splitting roar" "a raucous rattle of noises"
The Highlanders: "burning motors"
The Macra Terror: "the faint hum of machinery – a whirling sound, a little like a dynamo in need of attention"
Tomb of the Cybermen: "a loud whirring sound like a car starting up"
The Ice Warriors: "a strange groaning rattle"
Enemy of the World: "an unearthly grinding and howling sound—as if ancient and rusted machinery were being forced back into life"
Fury from the Deep: "grinding and grunting sound"
The Dominators: "a screeching and groaning"
The Invasion: "a raucous trumpeting which quickly became a banshee wailing", "a hoarse trumpeting and groaning"
The War Games: "a wheezing sound like trumpeting elephants"
Colony in Space: "terrifying sound, something like, yet not quite like, the trumpeting of a thousand mad elephants", "strange heaving sound"
Curse of Peladon: "a bone-jarring, mechanical grinding noise"
Ark in Space: "an extraordinary groaning sound"
The Sontaran Experiment: "a raucous groaning sound"
The Masque of Mandragora: "a peculiar trumpeting noise like a wounded animal"
The Ribos Operation: "a pulsating whining and trumpeting sound", "undulating, harsh elephantine groans"
Shada: "a loud trumpeting sound"
Full Circle: "the wailing groan"
Logopolis: "this whirring noise, and then a sort of chuffing and groaning", "a kind of chugging noise"
Castrovalva: "a throbbing sound"
Earthshock: "harsh scraping and whirring noise", "a noise like a cross between trumpeting elephants and tearing metal", "a muffled grinding and scraping noise", "hideous scraping noise"
Time-Flight: "whirring and a groaning", "a whirring and a clattering", "the most peculiar noise"
Mawdryn Undead: "the sound of grinding machinery", "groaning protest"
Enlightenment: "grinding, rumbling noise"
The King's Demons: "a strange sound, like the cry of a horse in pain"
Attack of the Cybermen: "a loud noise" (give me strength)
Mark of the Rani: "Odd sounds throbbed. One... two... three..."
Revelation of the Daleks: "a shrill grating sound"
Terror of the Vervoids: "a wheezing bellowing"
The Ultimate Foe: "the dematerialisation bellow trumpeted"
Time and the Rani: "a bellow like a ruptured elephant"
Dragonfire: "a strange mechanical grinding sound"
Ghost Light: "grating crescendo culminating in the heavy bass-drum thud"
The Movie: "a peculiar wheezing and groaning seemed to come from all around, deep and strained"
Made of Steel: "It was a sort of wheezing – yet there seemed to be a kind of groaning as well".

Why yes, I am bored out of my skull but Spara's claims to his blog "home of the best stories on the net" pissed me off.