Sunday, September 20, 2009

Polling The Chaytheem

Sparacus says: "I was not surprised by my stories not appearing in the DWM Greatest Doctor Who Stories of All Time as I imagine they regard my stories as essentially a spin-off series. Maybe they could be persuaded to conduct a Ben Chatham Adventures story poll. "

This would be difficult given the fact even Spara, their creator, can't remember all of them (plus the sheer number of stories called Nemesis or Conspiracy of Lies or Dark Yuletide), and the fact you admit more than half of them aren't actually "Chatham canon".

Besides, I can confidently announce the most popular BC installment was a middle episode of Planet Waves where you were ripping off the Toclafane in the Void Sphere.

For overall merit: Fool's Errand

The funniest scene went to the Ben/Hitler catfight in Nemesis.

Most popular character: Kyle

Least popular character: Katie

Most controversial character: the Skins Doctor

Most confusing character: Anselm Ashford Ashfox Asshole

Most-missed character: K9 mk 4+

Best celebrity cameo: Oscar Wilde

Worst celebrity cameo: Kylie Minogue

Least interesting story: Rats of Tenbury

Most derided story: The Lords of the Reedy River

Most original story: Conscience

Most desired story: the unfinished Case of the 12 Crosses

Best Cliffhanger: The Doctor, Ben and Rose being ambused in a doomsday cult run by the insane Mickey Smith in Shadows of Christmas, since Spara never actually finished it.

Worst Cliffhanger: Ben wetting himself after dreaming about the Nimon in Mirror, Mirror On The Wall.

Greatest ending, considered by all, was when you killed off Ben in New Dawn.

Worst ending was Ben being magically returned to life because two old men in Death Valley started bonking each other in New Dawn.

Best overall season: the Stephen Poole/Meddling Monk/Spartha Jones/BOSS/WOTAN/Cyberman/Von Danikan story arc

Worst overall season: the post LBC era.

Most likely to be a completely accidental Ben ref in the TV series: "Anyway, moving on," in the School Reunion catfight

Most likely to be a completely deliberate Ben ref in the TV series: "I point and laugh at archaeologists" in Silence in the Library

Biggest Continuity Gaffe: despite stiff competition, it has to be the THREE separate alien civilizations who built and live in Silbury Hill for no apparent reason

Strangest Continuity Gaffe: Adam Mitchell is a luddite eco-warrior living in 2005 who now runs Torchwood

Worst regular characterization: A tie between Spartha Jones and SparaDoc

Best regular characterization: Donna Noble, as she never gets any dialogue and thus never out of character

Most ridiculous crossover: two Adam Rickitts snogging in the pub in Coronation Street in The Ghosts of Weatherfield

Scariest potential crossover: Ben having a three-way with Tarrant and Servalan

Most misogynistic Ben moment: telling a girl he slept with her recently-deceased boyfriend, then beating her up and leaving her to have her throat ripped out by a generic monster in Operation: Delta

Most positive Ben moment: admitting he IS a total bastard and trying to drink himself to death in Crystal

Worst moment in all of the Chathamverse: the Tenth Doctor trying to rape Martha Jones in the still-warm bed of Ben's dead Uncle Monty in Stangeness (sic) - followed closely by the Eleventh Doctor trying to do something similar in New Morning.

Best moment in all of the Chathamverse: Sir Alistair Miles in Crimebuster, who misunderstands the term "Cybercrime" and thus builds a robot specifically designed to rob banks, a robot invulnerable to bullets, missiles, but NOT a hardback The Archaeology of the Kelts thrown from across the room by Ben in a fit of pique when his first boyfriend dumps him for being a drunken wanker

Most quotable line: "How dare you? I have a degree from Cambridge! You don't respect me, do you?" (EarthSpan)

Most memorable line: "This is unusual. I find it strange." from above.

Best technobabble: "a device or pipe" from Planet Waves

Worst science: all gasses are lighter than air, blood is a chemical

Most alcohol consumed in a story: a tie between Firestarter and Conscience

Least alcohol consumed in a story: Fool's Errand

Best Use of Fox Glacier Mints: creating a flashback Doctor/Spartha cameo in The Zranti Beast comic.

Worst Use of Fox Glacier Mints: trying to use them to kill Much the Miller's Son in Lord of the Reedy River.

Best Use of Johnny Vegas and Canned Laughter: none

Worst Use of Johnny Vegas and Canned Laughter: every damn time the bastard appears

Best Use of Returning Villain: Henry van Statten in Web of Lies. Until he shoots himself, anyway.

Worst Use of Returning Villain: a lone Dalek turns out to be a dream in Dark Yuletide.

Most Offensive Retcon: Herne the Hunter is evil! No, wait, actually it isn't, sorry... (Operation: Delta)

Most Offensive Lack of Retcon: Ben dismissing rape victims as deserving what they get. (LOTRR)

Any categories I've left out?

4 comments:

Jared "No Nickname" Hansen said...

Er, I can't think of anything else..

Greatest ending, considered by all, was when you killed off Ben in New Dawn.

Worst ending was Ben being magically returned to life because two old men in Death Valley started bonking each other in New Dawn.


Jesus, I must have missed that one..

Most positive Ben moment: admitting he IS a total bastard and trying to drink himself to death in Crystal

Lol!

Worst moment in all of the Chathamverse: the Tenth Doctor trying to rape Martha Jones in the still-warm bed of Ben's dead Uncle Monty in Stangeness (sic) - followed closely by the Eleventh Doctor trying to do something similar in New Morning.

Nothing can stop the catharsis of spurious Jungle Fever!

Best technobabble: "a device or pipe" from Planet Waves

...damn, I need to use that in something..

Best Use of Johnny Vegas and Canned Laughter: none

Well, I can only agree. That was a bizarre regular feature wasn't it? Vegas comes on, gropes Katy and swears at everybody and the presumably until-now-silent audience goes crazy! Seems nearly drug-induced as a concept..

Youth of Australia said...

Er, I can't think of anything else..
Fair enough.

Jesus, I must have missed that one..
It's nature's way of telling you to update the archive. I sent you everything bar Caves of Oblivion.

Lol!
Aye, it was what really convinced us that Spara was calling it quits.

Nothing can stop the catharsis of spurious Jungle Fever!
That sentence scares me.

Well, I can only agree. That was a bizarre regular feature wasn't it? Vegas comes on, gropes Katy and swears at everybody and the presumably until-now-silent audience goes crazy! Seems nearly drug-induced as a concept..
Even LBC couldn't explain it.

I just boggle at the thought processes that lead to it...

BTW, started a new blog.

Jared "No Nickname" Hansen said...

Damn, you've been busy..

Youth of Australia said...

Busy? I did that last night. After holding a dinner party for my cousin (Karen Gillan's Aussie stunt double) and her boyfriend (a lovely bloke, but his Christian name is exactly the same as my cousin's father... it sounds so Oedopal...).

Give a few weeks and the guides should be up, but I need to pace it out so there are gaps for the next round of stories. It'll probably take a couple of weeks to do each Doctor...